Twins. How to develop a good relationship between your twins and others? What are their needs and how to avoid common mistakes?


Twin new born babies

Recently, it has been observed that the percentage of births with twin babies has increased. This article aims at informing new parents, teachers and people who have in their family newly born twins. Maybe it is the first time that you have had twins in your family or in your class. What you really need to know at first, is that even tho they are twins and may look the same, they are not the same person. What is important to understand that is that they are two different, unique and special people. With his in mind, it is easier to satisfy their needs and the result is better for them.

Relation between them:

The relation between twin babies starts before birth. After the birth, they continue developing this relationship as they grow. This relationship usually concludes in love or hatred. The reason is due to the way their parents, and the general people around them react, to their behaviors and abilities. More specifically, some twins trying to separate themselves from their sibling, they compete, get jealous and feel disturbed anytime their parents or others gives attention to the other.

When twins behave in opposite ways, the most possible explanation is that they are trying to diversify and create their own identity. Some parents are intimidated by this and find a way to separate their twins by called them "the good" and "the bad" kid. These adjectives follow the kids and as they grow up and they try to fulfill these labels with their behavior. It is very common one twin quits from an activity because their twin has chosen it or is better at is than them.

The continuing comparison happens because they are born together. It is very difficult for their parents not to compare them physically, emotionally, characteristically, or by their choices. Since they go to school and especially if they are in the same class the comparison maybe continued by their teacher. Of course one of them will be better in reading and writing than his brother but if we avoid this comparison then we can avoid disappointing one of them. We should try to be as righteous as we can with them. A common mistake that usually parents fall into is giving them the same clothes. I know this is very cute especially when taking photos. But I don't think this is very pleasing to them.

Building relationship with others:

Twins as they grow they play together. Also they might have the same friends. But when they go to school the possibilities for social issues are high. If they are at the same school it is very common to play alone or adhering to each other. As a result twins can’t adjust at school because their parents are not there to support them appropriately. On the other hand if one of the twins makes a new friend the other brother may feel that they will lose their sibling. For example, if in a birthday party, one is invited but the other is not they will naturally feel sad. What you really need to do is to develop the meaning of individuality in them and make it clear that they will have not only share some experiences but will also have their own experiences and activities.

Together or separate at school:

The issue here is not only to put them in the same class but if it is necessary to put them in the same school. What we need to have in mind is if we put them in a different class or school then the separation for them is double. They are separated from their parents but also from their brother that they used to have them all day long. This may cause greater stress and disruption than necessary. As we said before it is better for them to be separated from each other in order to develop their individuality and their social skills. But if they recently had a separation on their family environment like a death of a family member or divorce of their parents is better to put them together so they can support one another.

Better separate if:

  • Similarity in performance at school. One of them may go faster or slower so they can both stay at the same level.

  • Intense competition to surpass their sibling.

  • Quit from activities because their sibling does the same.

  • Big difference in abilities and as a result one feels like a failure.

  • Disruptive behavior when they are together.

  • When one of them continuously says anything that their sibling does.

In general each family is different. The relationship that twins develop may depends on the attention that you give each. Talk with their teacher and decide what is suitable for your twins. And remember when you are blessed with twins, double the giggles, double the grins, double the trouble and twice the love!